


Dirty Talk

by Anonymous



Series: Monsterfuckers [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Ahegao Face Mention, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Crack Treated Seriously, Degradation, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Mention of Daddy Kink, Mention of alien breeding, Mention of foot kink, Mentions of Vore, Mentions of clownfucking, Mentions of sneeze kink, Name-Calling, Piss Kink Mention, Poorly timed moments of introspection, Why Did I Write This?, catcalling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:26:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26412646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The Losers catcall Pennywise. That's it.Also I snuck in the quote I chose for the Labor Day Book Quote Challenge, so there's that.(The quote is: Stan was sharp - too sharp for his own good, Richie sometimes thought.)
Relationships: The Losers Club & Pennywise (IT), The Losers Club & The Losers Club (IT)
Series: Monsterfuckers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919779
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19
Collections: Anonymous





	Dirty Talk

**Author's Note:**

> I would have written this fic even without the encouragement of the discord server, but they're the ones at fault for the kinkier things I threw in. Shoutout to @stunt-lads, @fuji09, and @thatmalu for being so terribly invested in this evil fic. And a special thanks to @bimmyshrug for being one of the first supporters of this concept, and to @blueeyedrichie for encouraging me to let this be shown to more people than just her.  
> I'm positive they all could have written a much better version of this if they put their minds to it ksldhfs.

They were losing. If they were really pressed to answer honestly, they’d all have said they had seen it coming, what with the fuckton of obstacles that had presented themselves before they even got to the cistern.

First off, Stanley had tried to dodge the bullet by getting his wife to tell them all that he had died. Unfortunately for him, she had decided to take the deception a step further and told them - through very impressive fake sobs - that he had killed himself. Stan had been in such awe that, in the midst of giving her a very enthusiastic thumbs up, he had accidentally sideswiped several glass cups into the sink, breaking all of them. The commotion had caused Patty to yelp out a concerned “Stan!” From there, the jig was up, and Stan had had to show up, with an injured hand and a refusal to admit he was in the wrong to show for his troubles.

The rest came in a sort of avalanche: 

Bev reluctantly dropped the bombshell that she had seen how each of them died if they didn’t kill It this time around, and apparently all the deaths were gruesome and horrifying. She had originally planned to not tell anyone about this, but Ben had coaxed it out of her. (They were all still deciding if that was a good thing or a bad thing.)

Mike confessed to almost stealing from Native Americans. He had backed out at the last minute because of the overwhelming shame of not keeping up the solidarity with fellow people of color, but still. He had come very close to stealing a Native American artifact. Instead, he was left with the vague advice to believe in his strength and power over Pennywise, who was an alien, by the way. 

Richie tried to leave twice, but was stopped each time. The first time it was because he had gotten caught up in the mess that was Beverly confessing that she had seen each of them die in her visions. The second time it was because, on his way out of Derry, he had foolishly decided to take a second trip down memory lane by visiting the synagogue. Stan had been there. Richie had tried to scarper on out of there, but Stan’s internal Richie sensors had gone off and he had stopped him. By chasing after him, tackling him, and dragging him back to the Townhouse.

Eddie had only tried to leave once, with Richie, and had been stopped for the same reason as he had been. He probably would have tried to leave a second time, but then Bowers had stabbed him and he had stabbed him back and he couldn’t really leave after that.

As if that wasn’t enough, Bowers had almost killed Mike. Luckily, he had been saved by the others. Unluckily, they had a dead body on their hands. Fortunately, they didn’t really care. Unfortunately, the reason they didn’t really care was because Bill had somehow rescued a child from Pennywise and they couldn’t really do anything but send that freshly traumatized kid home.

Suffice to say a lot had happened, and so they weren’t really feeling confident about their ability - or even their motivation - to take down the killer alien clown that was currently attempting to reach into the small space they had holed themselves up in.

Mike said, “We have to believe in our own strength and power over It.” This hadn’t given the group any energy or ideas the first time he had said it. This time - the fourth time - it had them all ready to snap.

“We  _ know, _ Mikey,” Bill said, trying to keep his voice gentle but failing at it as badly as he failed at ending a book. “But we don’t have strength or power. At all. Not even the illusion of it.  _ He’s _ the one with all the power.” They all turned to look at Pennywise briefly, who leered at them. Through the haze of fear and pain, Bev noted that the look seemed oddly familiar, like something she had seen hundreds of times before. But where could she have -

Of course. It was the look creepy men sent her and billions of other women daily. That predatory look, combined with predatory words that were designed to make the receivers feel flustered and uneasy and scared, and to make the perpetrators feel powerful, even if they weren’t. It worked every time. She side eyed Pennywise. Oh yeah. It would work on him, too. No one was safe from the power of the catcall.

She quickly and quietly informed the others of her genius plan. They all said,  _ “What,” _ with varying degrees of surprise, but at that point she wasn’t really listening anymore. She was too busy listing off common catcalls that were easy to remember yet incredibly effective. She hoped that if they needed more than that, they’d be able to get creative fast.

“Bev - BEV!” She looked up at them, an exasperated look on her face. Bill huffed and put his hands on his hips, looking very much like a sitcom mom who was about to really lay into her kids for being out so late. “Stop luh-looking at us like that, w-we’re just - you just -”

“You sound fucking insane, Bev,” Eddie finished for him. “You want us to  _ what _ now?”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and instead faced their stares head on as she said, “I want us all to catcall him. Call him a sexy little bitch.” They continued to stare at her. This time, she did roll her eyes. It was time for them to watch and learn.

With no warning whatsoever, Bev ran towards Pennywise, stopping just short of what they had all individually dubbed his clegs (claw legs.) (They would discover this later and wonder if they were maybe just a little bit telepathic, but only with each other. Stan would wonder if that would mean that they all shared a brain cell, and then he’d quickly shut down that line of thought. It was too much to contemplate.) 

From her dubiously safe spot, Bev summoned all her powers of imitation and let out her best attention-getting whistle, followed by a  _ tch-tch _ sound. It worked. Pennywise stopped flailing about momentarily. That was all the time Bev needed to yell out, “Hey! You’re a sexy little bitch, but you really need to show more skin!” That was the kicker: It blinked at her and drew back, clearly having some sort of Error: 404 moment. She took the chance to run out of their little hidey-hole and out into the open. If she was really going to show no fear, then a sense of self-preservation wasn’t going to cut it. 

After a moment of hesitation, the rest of the Losers ran out after her, clustering together just in time for Pennywise to come out of his stupor. He drew up to his full, imposing height and hissed,  _ “What did you say to me, Bevvie?” _

Bev was unfazed. “You heard me! You’re sexy, baby, but if you really want to catch someone’s eye, you’ll need to show a lot more skin!” She winked as obnoxiously as she could.

Seeing Bev use every muscle of her face to wink in the clown’s direction snapped Ben out of his own shock at what was happening. He shook his head and then took a deep breath, letting it out in a deliberately slow exhale as he cast around for any disgusting thing he could shout at Pennywise. It was difficult, because he made sure to drink his Respecting Women Juice every single morning, but he had complete faith in Bev and would follow her to the ends of the earth. He thought about women’s bodies and how they should be respected because women were people dammit, and then he thought about his own body and all the comments he had gotten on it from complete strangers, and finally he hit upon something that he hoped could work. He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Hey! Um -” he swallowed. “HEY BABY BOY HOW ABOUT YOU COME OVER HERE SO YOU CAN SEE THAT MY ABS AREN’T THE ONLY THING THAT GREW?” He punctuated this with a hip thrust that he meant to be lewd but came off as awkward instead.

The awkwardness didn’t seem to matter though - not to Pennywise, who had reeled back, not to Bev, who gave him an encouraging thumbs up, and definitely not to Richie and Eddie, who started choking on their own saliva. Richie recovered first, but only from the choking fit, and not from the daze caused by Ben being effortlessly hot. Which was why he absentmindedly said, “God, I would go to him.” 

Eddie got back his speech in time to reply, “Fuck so would I.”

“What,” Richie said, turning to face him.

“What,” Eddie said, surprised doe eyes out in full force.

_ He said he’d also go to him, _ Mike thought but did not say, because he was Respectful of other people’s business and also this wasn’t exactly the time for this discussion.

Bill and Stan were too busy still being horrified to contribute anything, and it was a good thing too, because Richie chose that moment to live up to the Trashmouth name. “HEY HONEY, I’LL FUCK YOU SO GOOD YOUR MOM WILL FEEL IT!” (Why retire a classic, right?)

Bev started cackling, almost falling over when she saw the way Pennywise actually stumbled back aways. Ben gave him a shaky smile. The validation was enough to have Richie theatrically bowing.

The others were not faring as well. Eddie wondered if maybe he had gotten caught in the Deadlights without him noticing - maybe Pennywise thought that feeding him these strange visions would be anathema to Eddie, which, ok fair, but Eddie had never even considered all this as something to be genuinely fearful or disturbed about. Who in their right mind would?

Meanwhile, Bill was shedding horrified tears. Mostly because of the truly unpredictable and almost unfathomable situation, but also because he was a writer for God’s sake. He should have been the first to come up with a killer one-liner. It was a blow to his confidence unlike any he had felt before, stronger than when people constantly said his endings sucked, stronger even than the emotional hit he took every time he remembered how he and Audra had left things.

Mike thought back to his life in Derry.  _ Maybe I’ve finally snapped, _ he thought. Because what in the living hell was this? Three of his friends had just catcalled an evil space clown? No, no way that could be happening, even if it looked and sounded and felt real. There was probably something in the water here, that made everyone in Derry a little crazy over time. That would explain the absolutely ass backwards views most of the town held. 

The only member of the Losers Club that was not having a crisis was Stan, and that was only he had played around with having a crisis before going straight for a desire for all this to be over so he could return to his wife and maybe introduce her to his long lost friends. (Maybe, because Patty had a chaotic streak a mile wide and his friends would only be encouraged to up their own levels of chaos because of it. Was he an agent of chaos as well? Maybe so, but that wasn’t important.) But to get the chance to get that happy future, Pennywise had to be eviscerated. Crises were not going to help with that, and Stan had learned to manage a lifetime of anxiety so he knew exactly how to kind of sort of put it on the back burner. The skill was coming in handy now.

Unfortunately for Stan (and for everyone), merely thinking about the terrible situation wasn’t actually doing anything against Pennywise, who had by now recovered from the shock of three tiny humans daring to try to play horny cards against him. He giggled gleefully, a high pitched sound that segued directly into a shout of,  _ “Oh Lo-sers!” _ He lifted two of his claw legs and attempted to bring them down on his funny little opponents, but the squirmy things leapt out of the way just in time. 

The jumping for his life seemed to kickstart Bill’s brain, though he was definitely still crying, and he yelled, “HEY THERE SUGARLIPS, SHOW ME WHAT THAT MOUTH DO.” It was something he had once read in a fanfiction of one of his books, and for some reason, the cringey phrase stuck with him throughout the years. He had never appreciated it before, but now, with IT looking completely poleaxed because Bill had used the worst possible turn of phrase in the face of literally all of those fucking teeth...well, Bill decided that whoever wrote that fanfiction deserved several gift baskets and maybe a cut of his paychecks.

Mike, who had scrambled up next to Bill just in time to see the red creeping onto his face as he catcalled Pennywise, decided that if this was a hallucination or some sort of fever dream, then maybe the only way out was through. So he inhaled deeply, and with all the strength in his lungs he shouted, “GET A LOOK AT THAT  _ ASS, _ TURN AROUND FOR ME BABY.” He immediately looked to Bev for approval, completely missing the way Bill swallowed and stared at him for just a little too long, considering they were currently trying to defeat an eldritch monster from outer space. Mike did get that approval though, so it wasn’t a total loss.

There was an insane-sounding roar suddenly, and six of the Losers and one stumbling Pennywise turned to look at the source of the sound. It was Eddie, who had had to release his pent up energy somehow and knew a scream could be so cathartic. There was just - too much going on, including the fact that apparently being a Trashmouth in IT’s direction seemed to be working. Eddie could talk a mile a minute and swore worse than a sinner accidentally stepping foot into a church, but this depraved bullshit? Definitely not up his alley. That’s when he remembered. 

A few years back, Eddie hadn’t been able to fall asleep, and for some reason, couldn’t get it out of his head that he and Myra needed to spice up their sex life. Because yes, that was totally and completely the reason why their sex life was supremely lacking, to put it very mildly. He had ended up on dark and freaky corners of the Internet and made a discovery that meant he could now tell Pennywise to “Sneeze on me, Daddy, you know you want to,” in the most airheaded voice he could manage.

Pennywise shrieked, a terrible and grating, yet undoubtedly scandalized sound that had them all covering up their ears, even as they tried to keep standing strong. Standing being a figurative word for Richie in this case, because he had fallen to the ground and could not get back up. He was having heart palpitations, or at least that’s what it felt like. 

Eddie took Richie practically falling at his feet in stride and helped him back up, very decidedly not focusing on how big Richie’s hands and arms and shoulders and chest were. Luckily for him, he didn’t have to try very hard not to focus on those things, because finally, finally, their little group had gained some confidence. Pennywise wasn’t some beast that was perpetually unruffled by them. He was a beast whose feathers could be ruffled as much as the tacky ruffles around his throat. It gave them hope.

Shouts filled the air, their voices indistinguishable from each other. “You’d be prettier if you smiled!” (IT looked genuinely offended for a moment before widening his inhuman smile in a show of what the Losers could only assume was dominance. They did not let this deter them.)

“What’s a pretty clown like you doing in a place like this?”   
  


“Nah, what’s a slutty clown like you doing in a nice joint like this?” (Later, Beverly would remark upon the fact that the “nice joint” was a cavern in Derry’s sewer system. At any other time, it would be mildly amusing, but right then it would be devastatingly hilarious.)

“I’d like to lick those ruffles like ice cream on a hot day!”

“Always did want to fuck a clown!”

“Be good and shift into something prettier for me, sweetheart!”   
  


The come ons continued, the confidence behind them growing as Pennywise visibly weakened. He wasn’t about to give up however, and he made a last ditch effort to convince them of his invincibility. He rose to his full height shakily, and bellowed, “I AM THE EATER OF WORLDS!!!” The Losers didn’t have to have any meme literacy to know that this translated roughly to “I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me!”

Stan, however, had finally come up with a zinger, and decided to prove Pennywise wrong. He looked IT straight in the eye and said in a clear voice, “That’s vore.” He licked his teeth slowly and lasciviously.

Stan’s absolute calm and sheer BDE nearly killed Pennywise and the rest of the Losers. An outsider would have thought an explosion had gone off with how IT wailed and fell back, writhing on the ground like IT had been thrown there. Stan said, “Silence bottom,” and the wailing suddenly cut off into choked off gurgles of pain. 

Everyone else simply stared at him in shock, all mentally congratulating themselves for not letting themselves fall on their asses as well. Richie was hit with a memory then - he didn’t remember exactly what Stan had said or done, but he remembered thinking,  _ Stan’s sharp - too sharp for his own good. _ Looking back on that now, he decided he’d been wrong. Stan had always been just sharp enough.

With that in mind, Richie let out a scream of triumph, and the rest of them followed suit. They immediately started up the catcalls again, though these were a lot kinkier and darker than what they had been using before.

“That mouth was made to swallow me up whole like the hot pockets I shove down my throat!”   
  
“But you’ll want to lubricate that sexy throat first; I’ll just piss down it, get it nice and wet and slippery.”   
  


“What will get you to make a better ahegao face, sneezing in your face or directly into your asshole?”

“Get rid of the clegs and show me some big clown feet, I want to fuck in between your toes!”

“Put some alien eggs in me, Mistew Pennywise, you know you want that dick to breed me.”

“No way, I want to beat up that gaping clown pussy with my huge dick.”

Where there once stood a great and terrifying eldritch horror, now lay a shriveled up body with miniature clegs and a head that housed a giant forehead, one that rivaled Richie’s in size, though it would beat his in a wrinkles competition hands down. They all knew that it would only take one more blow, one more degradation, to finish Pennywise off.

But the thing was: they were all so tired. They were functioning on barely any sleep, and on top of that, they were forty. Every moment of stress they had ever gone through was really catching up to them now, so that they couldn’t muster up the energy to spit out one more Good One, much less come up with one.

It was Mike, steadfast and dependable Mike, who finally came up with something to say. The problem was that he didn’t know if he had enough conviction, enough rage burning in him to make it land properly. He had spent his whole life being patient, keeping tabs, doing research, and at this point it was second nature for him to not be able to dredge up anger all that easily. Mike just...wasn’t the type who burned (he sometimes wondered if it had something to do with the fire his parents had almost died in).

But. He looked to his circle of friends, all so exhausted and ready to be done with this. They were all more likely than him to strike the match within themselves (save for maybe Ben). In that moment though, there was only one he trusted to rise to the occasion with aplomb, and it was the Loser who had always been more than happy to conform to the ginger-haired stereotype.   
  


“Bev,” he tried to call out, but his voice came out hoarse and she didn’t hear him. He cleared his throat and tried again, and this time she turned to him. He said, “He’s a fucking alien! He fell from the goddamn sky!”

There was a split second of confusion before her eyes lit up in understanding, at which point she drew herself up to her full height and marched straight up to Pennywise’s heaving, gasping body. Mike wondered if anyone else was horrified to find themselves immediately thinking of that in a sexual light. One glance at their revolted expressions told him that no, he was not the only one unduly influenced by the things they had been shouting for the better part of the night.

Bev meanwhile had already crouched down next to IT, taking a hold of his clegs (four in each hand) and looking down at his disgusting face. She leered, letting the rage and disgust and contempt of billions of women boil up inside her before very deliberately asking, “Hey darlin’. Did it hurt?” Pennywise hissed at her, and she let a grin stretch across her face as she delivered the killing blow: “When you fell from heaven?”

Pennywise had no real concept of what heaven was, but the fact of the matter was that Bev was fully in control, she was the one with all the power here what with her claims of lust for clown flesh, and so IT barely had a chance to produce a dying squeak before he simply perished. Just like that, so quickly and with so little fanfare that the Losers kind of doubted he was actually dead. 

Just to be safe, Mike crouched down next to Bev to stick his hand in the tiny chest that was already starting to cave in, and he pulled out a still, quiet heart. They all instinctively knew what to do, and they all put a hand on the heart as they gathered round it. They crushed it easily, and maybe it was so easy because there were seven of them, but they all had a feeling that even one of them would have had enough strength to destroy the heart.

There was a moment of quiet before the cavern started to rumble and shake, and they all threw parting shots at IT’s decaying body before running out:

“Pathetic.”

“Pussy.”

“Little bitch boy.”

“Goddamn parasite.”

“Fucking CGI mishap”

“Cockwaffle.”

“Whore.”

They made it out of Neibolt House just in the nick of time, watching wide eyes as it crumbled into nothing before them. For what could have either been half a second or two eternities, no one said anything. The only sound was their panting and the cracking of several joints as they attempted to somewhat put themselves to rights.    
  


A whoop shattered the silence, and they all turned to look at Bev, who was now hollering wordlessly at the sky. She tilted her head down to look at them, and said, “FUCK yeah, I knew that would work. From now on, you better take my word as fucking gospel.”   
  


“I’m Jewish.”   
  


Richie snorted, which in turn sent Eddie into a giggle fit, and seeing them both laugh got Bill to start, and from there Mike and Ben couldn’t help but join in. Stan and Bev held each other’s serious gazes for a long moment before they too, broke into smiles and laughter.    
  


“I - I can’t believe it. Is IT really dead? Did that really work?” Ben asked when he was able to stop laughing, though he started up again as soon as he finished speaking.

“Yeah, it’s really dead,” said Mike.

Bev followed this up with an exuberant, “Deader than a doornail! He’s never hurting us again. Never hurting anybody again.”

“But how did you  _ know, _ Bev? F-fuck, we all thought IT had driven you crazy.” Bill’s question was met with a cheeky smile.

“Well he always wanted us to be scared, and it’s kind of hard to be afraid of something when you’re too busy thinking of ways to let it think you want to fuck it.” This took Richie from chuckling to howling. Eddie elbowed him to get him to stop, but it was kind of ineffective when he was nearly screeching himself. Bev’s lips twitched several times before she composed herself and continued. “And you know. I figured he - it -  _ that thing _ was getting off on making us feel small, so we could definitely turn the tables.”

They all contemplated this, their laughter finally dying down. Without thinking or consulting each other, they all started heading towards the quarry, eager to indulge in the memory of one part of their childhood that hadn’t been sullied. They didn’t come across anyone on their way there, and it was a good thing too, because at some point they had interlocked their pinkies, forming a line that took up all the space on the narrow road. They didn’t plan on breaking it. 

“So. Some of you sounded way too uh, informed on what you were saying. Something you guys want to share with the class?”

“Beep beep, Richie!”

“Yeah, yeah, keep your secrets, all of you. For now.”

Somehow, that “for now” sounded nothing like a threat. It sounded like a long awaited promise.


End file.
